The Secret Life of Uri Geller; Family Guy – TV review Jul 22nd 2013, 06:00
I was left wondering what counter-terrorism operations the celebrity spoon-bender had not been involved in
When Uri Geller was a kid, living at his mum's B&B in Cyprus, he made friends with a guest named Yoav. Uri told Yoav he could read his mind and knew Yoav was an Israeli spy. Yoav said that when Uri grew up he must join the Israeli army, the paratroopers, then officer school, and from there go on to the Mossad. His life was mapped out.
Whoa, hang on. Uri's a cutlery-wrecking television magician and was Michael Jackson's mate when Michael was around to have mates, right? Yeah, he's not just that, though. Not according to The Secret Life of Uri Geller (BBC2, Sunday).
Once, during the six-day war, a Jordanian soldier jumped out from behind a rock, he and Uri looked into each other's eyes, Uri's life flashed before him. And then he shot the Jordanian, dead. Oh! Couldn't he have just bent the barrel of the other guy's gun round? Anyway, from that moment on Uri realised his true love for Israel, and his calling to help, using his paranormal powers.
He began to collect influential friends, like Benjamin Netanyahu (Jacko came later). And he went to a secret place outside Tel Aviv, with barbed wire and camels everywhere (which tells you just how secret it was), and he started doing stuff for the Mossad, though he can't say exactly what; it's too secret obviously. Don't forget there were camels, everywhere; that's how secret it was.
Then the Americans got interested too, because this was the cold war, and they were worried that the Soviet psychics were getting ahead in the spoon-bending race. So one of the heads of the CIA (probably) summoned Uri to America, where he did a lot of work at the Stanford Research Institute, into remote viewing, quantum entanglement, stuff like that; though at that stage the CIA didn't totally trust him; they thought he might be a double agent. From there to Mexico, where Uri spied on the Russians, sat behind them on planes, erasing their floppy discs, using just the power of his mind, naturally.
What about the raid on Entebbe though? Uri can't talk about Entebbe. Is is true he played a pivotal role in the audacious operation to rescue the hostages, took out the radar over the whole of North Africa so that the Israeli Defence Forces could fly in at night? He's not saying. Put it this way, though: he's certainly not saying he didn't do it. Jesus, I'm beginning to wonder what major counter-terrorism operations Uri Geller hasn't been involved in over the years. I'm assuming he was behind the killing of Bin Laden. Mogadishu didn't go so well though, did it Uri? Yeah, I know what you're going to say: Paul Daniels was in charge of that one.
There's a nice deadpan, non-judgemental tone to this film. Vikram Jayanti, who made it, pretty much leaves it up to you what to believe. It's tricky one. Here are these people who seem legit saying they did this and that work with Uri into remote viewing (seeing things you can't see, I think, like where missing people are) etc. But a lot of it – the stuff Uri won't talk about but clearly wants us to believe – is clearly bonkers. And isn't it a bit suspicious that an international spy – psychic spy, whatever the hell it is he thinks he is – is so keen to talk, even if it's mainly to say he can't. Be quiet, and do something useful, like find Madeleine McCann.
He does looks good, for 66, no? Maybe he's done to time what he should have done to that Jordanian's gun barrel: bent it back on itself. Now that would be a useful skill; he could go back to 1972 and undo the Munich massacre.
A new series of Family Guy (BBC3, Sunday) is a cause for celebration, and what a joyous opener. So jam-packed with lols I enjoyed it as much the second time.
After a disastrous evening at the high-achieving Fishmans, the Griffins decide they too, like the Fishmans, will climb Mount Everest. In Nepal, so-called, because the mountains look like nipples. (It's actually a much better joke than that, with Jesus telling God you can't just call a country Nipple, so God moves the stress to the last syllable: "how about nipPLE"?)
They make it to the top ... oh, the Fishmans got there first. But the Griffins eat the Fishman boy on the descent. Yup, eat. "I just hope he's not trapped in some crevice somewhere," says distraught Mr Fishman, searching for his son. "Well my gut tells me he'll be squeezing himself out of a crevice very soon," says Peter. Eurgh ...
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